I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
