I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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