I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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