I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
