it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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