he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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