im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
