I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
