I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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