White coat. Heels.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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