The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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