the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
