Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
