so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
