During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Bring me that man meat
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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