he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
