Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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