thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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