I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
