then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad