One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams