There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?