Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win