I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.