I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.