The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.