I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.