but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor