so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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