Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
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On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
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I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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