did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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