Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
