i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
There's always time for handjobs
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
