All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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