Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
