She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
