New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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