oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
