Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
