After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
