god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
