Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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