There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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