Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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