Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
