Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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