also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
babies were throwing up all over the place
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
