it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
