drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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