I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
