with your own penis?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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