i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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