Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
