I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
