I'm so fucking centered right now
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
