This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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