Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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