so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
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u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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