I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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