Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
