just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
