she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
