You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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