I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
