doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
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It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
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This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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