if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
