Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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