We won't sleep together?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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